Simply Remember the Rainbow

Guess what? Taylor has been gone for a week. And it has been tough. I have really missed Him. But I made it through! I have spent the whole week talking about him and thinking about him and answering questions about him. Its been really good to think about Taylor and all of our memories but its also been hard to know that these new memories are without him. Sunday night I was starting to doubt some things and get nervous so I said a prayer. I turned my scriptures to the story of Job. He lost everything and he still had hope. And God blessed him for it. And then I had a giant epiphany that I seem to have everytime I start to forget my blessings. God is simply trying to give me a rainbow. Its hard to have Taylor gone but its just the rain before the beautiful rainbow. Just the trial before the happy ending. It has to happen. Here I am always thinking that this is hard but when do I stop to think of what it will lead to. I never stop to think about its importance or its necessity to my happily ever after. Rainbows come form light and rain. Both are needed. Good and bad. hard and easy. Sad and happy. I am so grateful that God is willing to give me the rainbow even when I always complain about the rain.

This week has not only been rain. There has also been a lot of light. My cousins are in town and I spent the week and the weekend babysitting them. We had so much fun! Gosh my little cousin Sophie is the love of my life. She made me smile and she gave me hope in Taylor and our love. And she is 8. We played water games and went swimming and even went to the lab! Ha ha where we got in a water fight! All the girls got to extract their DNA and play with Pipettes. It was fabulous. When I got home there was a letter from Taylor in the mailbox. I was so excited I started screaming and laughing and crying at the mailbox. He is doing so great and he made me feel so happy!We went to Midway and hung out with my aunt Becky and my cousin Madi for the rest of the weekend. We played barbies and watched movies and ate tons and tons of good food. I got to spend time with Haley and had a barbecue with my neighbors. It was so much fun and I didn't feel sad, just grateful for sweet family and friends. This week may have been sad and hard at times but there were a lot of moments of love and happiness. Lots of moments where I could just tell a whole bunch of little girls cute stories of me and Taylor and not feel sad. Just glad that I have such great memories and such a great guy. God has blessed me so much! With lots of rain comes lots of light. So to all those people who feel life is just too hard to live, remember there is a rainbow after every storm and if you look hard to see through the rain and the fog you will always find the light. Remember that God is always trying to give you the rainbow, you just have to make it through the rain.

So I have been a picture taking maniac this week and took a lot of pictures of my first whole week with Taylor gone. Its not super exciting but its been fun!

My girls in the kiddy pool!

Me and Sarah Brewster

Me and my favorite little girl Sophie

All the kids with there DNA spit samples

Our water guns for the water fight

Lab work!

Day 3 and already in the lab working! I feel good

Pipettes

My very first letter from Elder Pizza! 

Playing Barbies in the playhouse

Swimming in Midway with the girls

Madi and Brinlee!

Driving around the street in cool pink cars

Day four with the daisies. My photography is fabulous. Along with my frumpy face.

Me and my very favorite cousin!

The food table at the family party

My Dad, Spencer, and my cute sister Millie

Buff boys!

Me finally leaving Midway and looking fabulous

Gel electrophoresis is so exciting

I finally cleaned my car!

Day at the more serious lab. Usually I have my goggles and gloves on.

This is one corner of my little lab. We call it the cubicle!

I made snowballs and put them on our heads!

Even when I take Taylor's ring off, I still have it on me.

Snowballs

We made a snowman in June!

Ha ha I know that these pictures are just fabulous! Please just ignore the incredibly stupid captions. Even with Taylor gone I feel like I did a pretty good job of finding the light in the rain! He is so happy in the M.T.C. so why shouldn't I be happy? I am happy. I am a lucky lucky girl. I have friends and family and God and Taylor and much much more! I miss Elder Pizza but I know that God is simply trying to give me a rainbow! So here's to happy endings and rainbows and waiting and all the fun moments in between!

One Step Closer 

Well guys Taylor has been gone for almost two days. I can't believe its already here and he is already gone. It's like a shock to the system. Surprisingly enough I feel pretty great. Yes, I miss the heck out of him and probably kiss his picture at least ten times a day but I am smiling a lot more than I am crying. We said goodbye on Tuesday and it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I went over and we hugged and cried and kissed and laughed and talked for a few hours. Then about 30 minutes before the setting apart we sat down and said all the things that needed to be said. We both cried and held each other. I have never hugged him so hard. Then we said I love you and he leaned down and said goodbye as he kissed me for the very last time. I was crying so hard at this point. We walked downstairs to find most of his family sitting there. Of course they all knew what had just gone on so of course his sweet grandpa asks me how I am doing and I just lost it. I couldn't help it. I was just going to miss him so so much. After that more family came. Taylor would say hi to them and then shuffle his way back to me to lean on me or half hug me or give me longing sad stares. It was really sweet. We sat down and his parents said the sweetest things about him. For those of you who don't know Taylor very well, I encourage you to get to know him, because past all the awkward jokes and odd comments you will find someone so sweet and pure. I cried the entire time they were speaking. I was also grinning from ear to ear. Because this was my guy they were talking about. I have never felt so so proud. So happy that there are other people in the world that see how incredible and great he is. When he got set apart I thought it would be sad. His blessing was incredible. Seriously best experience of my life. When the prayer ended I looked over at him and instead of seeing Taylor I saw Elder Pizza. He was glowing and I just couldn't be sad. I have always wanted him to be happy. And he is happy. He was so happy. How could I not be excited for him? I didn't cry at all. I just smiled. When he came to shake my hand he looked at me with a lot of love, like he always does. It was hard to not grab him and hug him but he was a missionary now. I stayed and hung out with his family for quite awhile and they all made it clear that they still want me in their life. Thank heavens! I need Pizzas in my life! When it was getting late Taylor's dad told us it was time for me to go. I hugged his parents goodbye and walked with Taylor to the door. We talked for a minute, where he informed me that I need to take all my pills, stay away from dairy, don't drive when I am loopy and tired, and absolutely don't die. We said I love you and shook hands. I had no idea so much emotion could go into one handshake. All of our sadness, joy, longing, hope, and love was in that one small gesture. Finally Taylor let go, then he immediately grabbed my hand again to shake it for a second time. We cried as I started to walk away. 

I think the last thing he said to me was "one step closer"

As I walked away I burst into tears. I looked back and saw Taylor watching me leave for the last time. Of course as I got to my car there was a sprinkler going on over my car getting me wet. It was all too movie like. Except that this was goodbye instead of hello. It was like God was crying for us. For me. I watched as he walked inside and I drove away. I cried. Actually I choked, coughed, screamed, hyperventilated, and went into some kind of shock. The shock of realizing that my best friend, my happy thought, my everything was going to literally be gone for two years. Two years is a long time. As I stepped onto my driveway I looked up and probably saw about a billion stars. Taylor and I always look at the stars together. So being the person that I am, right then and there I prayed out loud. In the middle of my driveway at midnight. I felt so much peace. All my fears went away. I didn't feel scared anymore. I don't feel scared anymore. I just know that it's going to be alright. Honestly I haven't really cried since then. I think about Taylor and all I can do is smile. Even when he was leaving, all I could do was smile (and cry) but mostly smile. I miss him so much but I have no fear. I feel happy for both of us. Happy that he is strong enough to go on a mission. Happy that he is becoming completely what I always wanted and needed. I am so proud and happy for him. I know its going to be a long hard two years but Taylor is worth a whole lot more. Plus it's officially less than two years. 728 days is better than the 730 we have always had. We are literally one step closer to what we have always wanted. Lucky me. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So I am stepping. With a guy like Taylor, why wouldn't I?

Our first date. Look how far we've come!

P.S. Great thanks to all the people who have called and texted and hung out with me. Jenna thank you for your care package, I am officially living off of sugar. Haley thanks for all the long talks and the advice. Sophie, thank you for being adorable and keeping my mind off of everything. Whitney, thanks for giving me my last goodbye and helping me through a hard night. I love you all! 

Jonny saying goodbye to his hero

My mom tearing up

Giving advice to the future missionary

Goodbye Elder Pizza!

I love you!

God be with you till we meet again

This week has been good, crazy, hard, fun, sad, and happy all at once. So much time spent with friends and family. My brother finally came into to town after a year and half. Its been so good to catch up with him and spend time with him. On Friday Taylor and I made pizza. I dressed up in the dress I wore on our first real date and our first kiss. We danced to some of our favorite in the kitchen, ha ha until we realized that we suck at slow dancing. When the pizza was ready we sat on the kitchen and ate our pizza and talked for a while. It was like being in a dream. Just another perfect day with Taylor.

Taylor's farewell was yesterday and it was great. He gave a talk on the Book of Mormon and it was so fun to see him be completely himself. Very to the point and very serious. It was so sweet to look up and imagine him as a missionary. I couldn't cry because I just felt proud. Proud that he has worked so hard for this. Proud that he is so strong and that he makes everyone around him strong. I am incredibly proud to be able to be apart of his experience. Because I know that it will be great. Of course I made it through the talk without crying so I thought I was in the clear, but then of course the closing hymn was "God be with you till we meet again". I cried the whole song, I could barely choke out the words. The song become my prayer for Taylor,

 God please be with him till we meet again.

 I am realizing that this is real. Him leaving is real. This horrible pain in my heart is real. Our love is real. The fact that this is our last full night together is real. He is going to be a missionary tomorrow. And the life I have had for the last year and half is going to end. Its here and I feel like I could have never done enough to prepare my heart for this moment. Its such a happy, exciting, proud, hard, crushing, sad moment.

 People keep telling me to keep myself open to possibilities. To not be sad. To not take it too seriously.

 But its just because there sweetheart is sitting right next to them.

 They don't have to say goodbye. 

They don't have to look at their love, their happiness, their life, their dream and say see you in two years.

I don't blame them for not understanding. I consider them lucky. Lucky to be able to never have to let go of the one person they can't live without. This is hard. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. And I've done a lot of hard things. But on a more positive note, I know that we can make it. At least I can still write him and watch him grow into something even more incredible than he is already is. Not that it even seems possible.Tonight is going to be hard. Its going to be hard to know that this is our last goodnight. Our next night will just be goodbye. But I am just going to enjoy tonight. Every moment with him is special and now that they're is so little time, I don't want to waste a second being sad. Because I have him, and plan on always having him ,and that's something to smile about.

I guess this is just one of those moments that we have a chance to define who we are. To prove that our love is strong, that we are strong. To test our loyalty and our devotion. To show that our fate really is to be together. If we can make it through this we just might be the greatest love story ever told. 

Good luck Elder Pizza, I am going to miss you and cry for you and pray for you and smile for you. The time we have had together has been the best in my life. I have completely fallen in love with you. I can think of about a billion times when I looked at you and thought " God must love me a lot to have given me him". I will never forget all the memories we have shared and all the great lessons you have taught me. You have changed my life for the better.I know you will do great out there! Please remember that your best may not mean more baptisms and try to recognize the good that you are doing. I will never stop being proud of you and I will never stop loving you. I love you, forever and always...One step closer...God be with you till we meet again.