One Step Closer 

Well guys Taylor has been gone for almost two days. I can't believe its already here and he is already gone. It's like a shock to the system. Surprisingly enough I feel pretty great. Yes, I miss the heck out of him and probably kiss his picture at least ten times a day but I am smiling a lot more than I am crying. We said goodbye on Tuesday and it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I went over and we hugged and cried and kissed and laughed and talked for a few hours. Then about 30 minutes before the setting apart we sat down and said all the things that needed to be said. We both cried and held each other. I have never hugged him so hard. Then we said I love you and he leaned down and said goodbye as he kissed me for the very last time. I was crying so hard at this point. We walked downstairs to find most of his family sitting there. Of course they all knew what had just gone on so of course his sweet grandpa asks me how I am doing and I just lost it. I couldn't help it. I was just going to miss him so so much. After that more family came. Taylor would say hi to them and then shuffle his way back to me to lean on me or half hug me or give me longing sad stares. It was really sweet. We sat down and his parents said the sweetest things about him. For those of you who don't know Taylor very well, I encourage you to get to know him, because past all the awkward jokes and odd comments you will find someone so sweet and pure. I cried the entire time they were speaking. I was also grinning from ear to ear. Because this was my guy they were talking about. I have never felt so so proud. So happy that there are other people in the world that see how incredible and great he is. When he got set apart I thought it would be sad. His blessing was incredible. Seriously best experience of my life. When the prayer ended I looked over at him and instead of seeing Taylor I saw Elder Pizza. He was glowing and I just couldn't be sad. I have always wanted him to be happy. And he is happy. He was so happy. How could I not be excited for him? I didn't cry at all. I just smiled. When he came to shake my hand he looked at me with a lot of love, like he always does. It was hard to not grab him and hug him but he was a missionary now. I stayed and hung out with his family for quite awhile and they all made it clear that they still want me in their life. Thank heavens! I need Pizzas in my life! When it was getting late Taylor's dad told us it was time for me to go. I hugged his parents goodbye and walked with Taylor to the door. We talked for a minute, where he informed me that I need to take all my pills, stay away from dairy, don't drive when I am loopy and tired, and absolutely don't die. We said I love you and shook hands. I had no idea so much emotion could go into one handshake. All of our sadness, joy, longing, hope, and love was in that one small gesture. Finally Taylor let go, then he immediately grabbed my hand again to shake it for a second time. We cried as I started to walk away. 

I think the last thing he said to me was "one step closer"

As I walked away I burst into tears. I looked back and saw Taylor watching me leave for the last time. Of course as I got to my car there was a sprinkler going on over my car getting me wet. It was all too movie like. Except that this was goodbye instead of hello. It was like God was crying for us. For me. I watched as he walked inside and I drove away. I cried. Actually I choked, coughed, screamed, hyperventilated, and went into some kind of shock. The shock of realizing that my best friend, my happy thought, my everything was going to literally be gone for two years. Two years is a long time. As I stepped onto my driveway I looked up and probably saw about a billion stars. Taylor and I always look at the stars together. So being the person that I am, right then and there I prayed out loud. In the middle of my driveway at midnight. I felt so much peace. All my fears went away. I didn't feel scared anymore. I don't feel scared anymore. I just know that it's going to be alright. Honestly I haven't really cried since then. I think about Taylor and all I can do is smile. Even when he was leaving, all I could do was smile (and cry) but mostly smile. I miss him so much but I have no fear. I feel happy for both of us. Happy that he is strong enough to go on a mission. Happy that he is becoming completely what I always wanted and needed. I am so proud and happy for him. I know its going to be a long hard two years but Taylor is worth a whole lot more. Plus it's officially less than two years. 728 days is better than the 730 we have always had. We are literally one step closer to what we have always wanted. Lucky me. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So I am stepping. With a guy like Taylor, why wouldn't I?

Our first date. Look how far we've come!

P.S. Great thanks to all the people who have called and texted and hung out with me. Jenna thank you for your care package, I am officially living off of sugar. Haley thanks for all the long talks and the advice. Sophie, thank you for being adorable and keeping my mind off of everything. Whitney, thanks for giving me my last goodbye and helping me through a hard night. I love you all! 

Jonny saying goodbye to his hero

My mom tearing up

Giving advice to the future missionary

Goodbye Elder Pizza!

I love you!